I hate keeping emotions in…  

I have been doing it for the past 3 years and it has somehow lead me to two major heartbreaks, about 15 stomach flips, and plenty of sad days.  As a senior in college, I want to leave no stones un-turned, I want to dive head deep into the dark.

SO when finally given the chance yesterday to get all of this heaviness from my conscious, to finally settle all the nervousness that flutters in my stomach whenever he is around, and to find peace because he seems to take my happiness with him when he leaves…I couldn’t do it.  This person who I am going to divulge everything to isn’t going to care in the slightest that I have been a nervous wreck thinking about him, that I physically get sad when he is gone, that I am 100x more happier when he is around, 1000x happier when he speaks to me, and just about ready to explode whenever he touches me and even if he is off gallivanting and flirting with some other girl, if he smiles, I smile too.

I AM A HEAVY BAG OF FEELINGS and I try to calm down with working-out, keeping busy but its not working.  I am going to be 1000 miles away from here this afternoon but yet I will still be tethered to this place because of him.